I'll be the first to say it.
I can be a mega bitch at times. It's like an evil superpower - picking up on people's insecurities, and going for their jugular. I mean, I was raised by a bunch of sharks - family functions for me didn't consist of singing Kumbaya and hugs + kisses.....it was more of people screaming at each other, plates being thrown, and security escorting them out (of a restaurant).
So yeah, did I learn how to rip people to shreds? I mean, I kinda had to.....to survive.
But a few years ago, I realized that living in survival mode meant I was constantly in fear, and I wasn't healing from my past trauma. Since then, I've made it a point to become conscious of my words, actions, how I am responding to life, and overall just being a nice person. It's easy to be an asshole. It's easy to lose your temper. You know what real strength is? Breathing through your anger, and frustration, and choosing to show up as the best version of yourself.
So.....story time!
Recently I was speaking to someone (almost a stranger because I haven't communicated with this person in over 10 years, and when we did communicate, it couldn't have been more than 20 minutes X 4 times), and they ended up raising their voice at me, calling me a liar, relentlessly throwing out assumptions - I responded with...."I'm not a liar, and I'm happy to send you screenshots of the conversations to prove it", their response? "I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANYTHING!"
Okay, so I'm a liar?
When I try to give you proof that would indicate otherwise, you now don't want to see it.
Alright.
I then tried to explain a different point (I got exactly 6 words out), and they cut me off saying "I don't want to speak to you anymore! You're a liar! I want nothing to do with you!".
At this point, I just realized WOW. This person is having a really hard time regulating their emotions, and I'm so taken aback considering we are essentially strangers. I end the call by saying "Thank you for your time. Goodbye."
Now.....their words kept replaying in my mind. I could feel anger and sadness building up within me. FYI, I've been under a lot of emotional stress over the last 2 months, and I feel like I'm just dealing with everything on my own, I don't have anyone to lean on, and I am tired of having to be strong all the time. So I cried. I let myself feel my sadness. Once I was done, I focused on taking in slow, deep, breaths.
After the sadness passed, I started to feel the anger building up. Honestly, where the F does this person get off being so rude? I thought about sending them a strongly worded text, but what would that do? How does that even help me? So here's what I did instead. I used the Hawaiian forgiveness technique called Ho'oponopono. I visualized their face, and repeated these 4 statements:
*I love you *I'm sorry
*Please forgive me
*Thank you
Once I processed the anger, and allowed it to pass, I wanted to ensure that forgiveness was next on my list. What's the point of harboring resentment / hate? That doesn't hurt the other person who was rude to me, it only affects my mind, body and peace.
After aaaaaaall this, I told myself that this was a good lesson for me to practice my coping skills on regulating my emotions. Remember, my baseline is shark responses because I am a lowkey ex-bitch healing from being in survival mode (I call myself a bitch because honestly, at times the things my mind says are MEAN, and it takes me A LOT of effort to soothe myself and respond calmly).
Next, I shifted my perspective, and also said this would make good material for others to learn from. I mean, we all encounter assholes on a daily basis. Let's just learn how to respond to them in a better way.
So yeah. This is me being real, and raw.
I have emotions. I'm not chirpy and happy 24/7. I might call someone an asshole in my head, but I'm not going to actively lash out towards them.
Here's to being able to stay composed and zen, even when life gives you a few sour lemons. It's all about perspective, guys. I could have let that ruined my day, or continued to engage in it, orrrrr I can use it as a learning + sharing opportunity.
Start to ask yourself.....are you reacting to life, or are you responding to it?
Feel your shit, just don't lose your shit.
To ALL my clients who aaaallllways say to me that I'm so calm and zen, I really AM NOT. My inner mind is a cut throat shark. I have to work really hard every time I get triggered to CHOOSE a calm response. I wasn't always like this. I used to lash out, lose my shit. I'm just sharing this because if I could change, so can you.
Comments