I am celebrating 7 years of sobriety in 2023 - yay, me!
So how exactly did a former beauty queen + alcoholic + drug addict turn into a sober Clinical Psychologist?
I got sick and tired of feeling sick and tired
I was getting older and my body really couldn't deal with hangovers very well
I was starting to lose important people in my life because of my addictions
I cut my head open while intoxicated - long story short, the doctor had to shave a portion of my hair off, and stitch my head back together
It took me a really long time to be able to openly talk about my struggles with substances. For the first 2 years of my sobriety, I told everyone I was "allergic" to alcohol. I mean there was 2% of truth in that. Towards the end of my drinking days, my entire body would be swollen for days after consuming alcohol. Why did I feel the need to hide my addiction and sobriety journey? Well, growing up in an Asian society.....and being a woman......I was often told that it's taboo for me to talk about my drinking problem (because apparently "it's ok if a man has it, but not a woman"). Those statements, and mentality, kept me living in shame and fear.
Until one day - I was vacationing in Sydney for NYE, and had watched the fireworks the night before - I decided that I was going to post about how excited I was to be ushering the new year *X* years sober. Rather than receiving judgement, I was overwhelmed by how many people reached out to me to show me their support, and extend kind words. People who I had not spoken to in almost a decade took the time to extend their well wishes.
While my past is smeared with topics of taboo, I view myself today as a success story. How many alcoholics + drug addicts do you know who managed to overcome their addictions and transform their lives? For me, being Malaysian, I only knew of me. Because I couldn't find a Malaysian talking about their struggles and success stories when it came to addiction. This left me feeling so alone on my journey to sobriety. It also motivated me to be extremely open about my struggles and overcoming them, because I want others (especially in Malaysia) to know that if I could do it, so can you. There's no shame in where you are, there's no shame in falling off the wagon (I "failed" at getting sober for almost a decade, but the very last time I tried, was the time I was successful.....and the fact that I never stopped trying is why I have a second chance at life).
You know who ended up being my biggest critics? My friends and family. The people who you'd think would give me unconditional support were actually the people who would say things like "You always say you're going to quit, but you never do" - whenever I think of their words now, I can't help but feel a sense of smugness. I mean look at me now - SOBER for 7 years :)
If you're trying to make a change in your life, my advice to you is to:
Acknowledge WHY it is important for you to make the change
Be your own biggest cheerleader
Only focus on one day at a time
Honestly, when I gave up drinking, I didn't know if I would be successful. I told myself just focus on ONE day. By the time I hit 1 year of sobriety, I was pretty confident I could do it. The 2nd year of sobriety was hell for me - I would lay in bed crying because I just wanted to have a drink. Some days, I would pour whiskey into a glass, then sit in front of it.....just staring at it....having an internal battle about what to do next. In the end, I would throw the drink into the sink, and consider myself lucky for having another day sober. By the 3rd year of sobriety, I knew that I'd never go back to alcohol. 7 years later, I can tell you that it's easy for me to pass up a drink. Not drinking / being sober has become my identity. It's hard to believe that less than a decade ago I was partying till 9am, having snorted and drank whatever I could get my hands on.
Focus on your own healing journey. You never know where it'll take you.
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